按加拿大和美国标准来看,这段语文写的还不错,几个不地道的表达方式为你改了,并雅致化,如下（我是加拿大人,前英语老师）：
Colgate is one of the most widely recognized consumer brands in the world.When I used to go to the United States,the first brand that I recognized on the street was Colgate,and I can still remember the famous commercial "What's our goal?" "To have no tooth decay!" What fascinates me most,however,is Colgate's core values of caring,global teamwork and continuous improvement.These are values for a career that I aspire to.They will help me create personal contribution in my job.Another important reason that makes Colgate attractive is the famous "Colgate smile".It makes me feel warm,like being part of a big family.I wish to experience an open and caring culture marked by interaction,recognition for good work,cross-functional opportunities and global exposure.I am sure that Colgate will give me just the training that will be really useful for my career.