Dear Professor:
My name is XXX,I am a senior student from China.Do you feel that you have any time to take a look at my essay and give me some advice.Any advice will be highly appreciated.
Yours Sincerely
XXX
不过是按照原文稍微翻译了一下,个人觉得原文还要做一下修改,态度要更加诚恳一点,多介绍一下自己,自己的想法和目的,最好是就自己写的作文来讲,会比较好一点.
比方说作文是邮件的附件,所以在正文中还要加上（如附件）之类,反正原文一定得改.