首先看这句话I am studying at shanghai jiaotong university.my major is Business English.
我改的是 I am studying in Shanghai Jiao Tong University majoring in business english.因为上海交大是要用大写的,而商务英语不需大写,major是可以是名词也可以是动词,但你翻译的太累赘了.
工作经验：work experience
我以前在市场调研行业工作过3年,善于与人沟通,有丰富的与人打交道的经验,工作积极主动.
I had been engaged in the market investigation and study industry for three years before.I am good at communicating with people and I have rich experience on dealing with people.I am positive in working.
希望能帮上你!