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求高手帮忙改这篇雅思作文并评论指导~拜托拜托~
Topic: Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Advertising compaign increasingly become the decisive factor for companies to sell products.The managers often perceive that the more money they put in, the more profit they can get. This tiggered a heated debate about whether popular goods reflect the power of advertisement or the real need of consumers.
Some people argue that products regularly seen on TV create a larger pubilicity thus result in more sales volume than the others. And people will pursue for their favorite stars that are printed in the product without concerning for whether they need it or not. However,others hold the view that most people will buy the necessities rather than what the advertisements pusuade them to purchase.
In my point of view, best-selling products include both provisions and advertised goods. We would often be tempted by the fascinating packages and functions that are sold by TV or websites.For example, when it refers to fast food restaurant we would think about KFC and MC Donald immediately instead of Chinese restaurant. Notwithstanding commercial ads contribute to the product selling, people still insist on buying things they actually need. Provisions like fruit and pencil can always reflect the real demand of people to purchase goods.
That is to say, daily necessities may better illustrate the demand of the society while some other best- selling products may result from the power of publicizing it.
我的目标是至少7分以上呢~求打分加指导~
人气:404 ℃ 时间:2020-10-01 17:48:49
解答
写得挺好的啊,按照雅思作文的格式来了嘛~ 就是有点chinglish还有点逻辑小问题,不影响大分数~可以说的详细点么
大概有多少分?然后哪里逻辑问题之类的。感觉应该分数挺高的吧?。。。也不知道这些年来标准有没有变。。。当年我是满分过的。。。

真的没有很大问题,细节上,比如,题干里写得是advertising,开篇就应该用advertising,不要再加campaign了,其实这两者还是有区别的,你说是吧?~
Some people argue that products regularly seen on TV create a larger pubilicity thus result in more sales volume than the others. 电视上常见的,直接翻译成regularly seen就有点chinglish了,如果不想用commercialized来替换,也可以用shown,保持原来句式不变。

And people will pursue for their favorite stars that are printed in the product without concerning for whether they need it or not. Stars不会printed in the product,这句也有点中式英语。这里不用pursue用purchase更好,tend to purchase.....pruducts with ....printed on神马神马的……
不要用ads,写作文要用正式用于,不能用简写,像最后一段ending,this is to say,也不正规,考口语的时候可以用,写作文的话,还是建议用in conclusion, conclusively之类的单词。

中间还有些小问题,关于动词搭配的,可以稍微再注意一下~
诶,不高兴打字了…… 不说了,偷懒结束,干活去了!祝你考出好成绩!!你以前满分啊0 0怎么做到的
这篇有木有7分7,5的水平呢?
你这么改大概说下感觉受益很多!
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