第二句There开始我觉得这样写比较好:
There is no doubt that this problem starts to attract the public attention.然后接下来那句不是complete sentence,而且我不太明白你的意思,你是说怎样才是perfect way 去解决问题?但是怎样解决你并没有在句子中指出.
然后最好一个段落开头不要用 of course,你可以直接删除掉,然后写 There are always both negative and positive sides of things.
然后下面都还不错.然后we can see that那里有点小语法错误,是 students are having diffculities in finding jobs after graduation.不要用now.后面那句bad to worse 用词不太准确,可以说getting worse.后面一些工作不适合老人做 改成:Some jobs are not suitable for elders.
最后一段我不太明白什么叫 more people to feed on the old...
总体来说六年级作文写成这样已经很好了.但是有些词语用法和sentence structure不太成熟.可以多看看书,记住一些句型,