The writer in the showplace in the last week.（缺谓语） A young man and a young women behind him.（缺谓语） they were talking too loudly for writer to enjoy the play.（to的逻辑主语应该与too的相同,这里不同,作者本意想要使to的逻辑主语成为writer） So the write turned round and said that I can not hear a word.（can应该改为could） But ,to him（改为his,to one's surprise 固定搭配） surprise,the young man said that it is none of your business.It is a private conversation.（这里最好不要用that从句,犯了时态与前面不一致,代词指代不清的错误.改为引号引用）
The writer never get up(gets up) early on Sunday.So last Sunday he also got up very late.When he had breakfast his aunt called with him said that I arrived by train and come to see you.（when与过去完成时态矛盾.when的意思是从句与主句同时发生,过去完成时又是说这个动作发生在另一个过去动作之前.） But the writer's（所有格错误） told her I（缺BE动词was） having breakfast.The writer's aunt is very surprise and said do you always so late?It is one o'olock.
整片文章时态混乱,有时用现在时有时用过去时,应该统一.