1、要口语化一点可以这样说：I like listenning to music most. 其实你上面写的那句已经不错啦.
2、need 既可以当作情态动词使用（后面直接跟动词原形）,又可以作为普通动词（加介词to,再跟动词原形）,但我建议你改成needed to type, 因为need 作为情态动词太正式了,较为生硬.还有,data 是复数,应该用datum.固定搭配：Be sorry to sb. for sth. 这里用to对的.
第3句是对的.
4、The server has broken down/ has been damaged/ didn't work , we are buying/ looking for a new one. 坏了的说法要分情况：don't work 是口语化的说法,一般交谈用这个就行； break down 正式一点,指损坏,口语中也很常用；be damaged 特指人为的损坏,用法更正式.还有,中译英要注意不要逐字逐句,意思到了就好,不然会很生硬.
5、The server didn't work/has broken down and needs to be replaced, we are considering about buying a new one.
希望对你有所帮助~